


invidia

by BunnyThatFlies



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AFAB reader - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Choking, Consensual Kink, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Dom/sub, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Friends With Benefits to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, Gender-Neutral Hange Zoë, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, Minor Character Death, Nonbinary Hange Zoë, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Oblivious, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Second Person, Pre-Canon, Smut, Unhealthy Relationships, hhhhh i dunno, sorry im embarrassed writing these tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 07:15:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29221536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BunnyThatFlies/pseuds/BunnyThatFlies
Summary: 'invidia': Latin for 'jealousy'You've been a member of the Survey Corps for five years, and in that time you've risen in the ranks and made good friends with Section Commander Hange and Captain Levi. But when Hange starts acting strange around you, especially when you're with Levi, it frustrates you to no end, and all you want is to solve things with them.That is, until you lose one of your soldiers, and your life seems to shift completely out of alignment. Can you cope with both dealing with Hange (and your conflicting feelings for them) and the new direction your life is heading in?
Relationships: Hange Zoë/Reader
Kudos: 83





	1. "are you two done flirting yet?"

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome! This was meant to be a chapter for my oneshot collection and it's now over 20 chapters long so we move, I just love Hange too much lol
> 
> There are a few original characters that do play a rather big role, but I left their descriptions very vague because I couldn't be bothered to do much with them beside give them names since this wasn't meant to be a long story, and I didn't want to use characters that already exist in the canon because I wasn't sure it'd work (this'll make sense in future chapters)
> 
> This very much does not follow canon, so I guess it's a canon divergent AU, but it's set around the year 848-ish, and is mostly canon-oriented and also please ignore my lack of knowledge about military terms I'm not knowledgeable about it at all and Google wasn't helpful lmao
> 
> (any chapters with a lot of sexual content will have specific warnings beforehand (especially since a lot of it is kinky oops), but since everyone's an adult in this fic, uh, well there's some jokes and sexually charged conversations throughout that's all I'll say)
> 
> Also, thanks to everyone who helped me decide which version of this to post on wattpad, you were all very helpful ^^
> 
> Finally, I don't own the characters or Attack on Titan or you! But storyline is mine :3
> 
> Have a great day and I hope you enjoy! :3
> 
> \- bun ❀

Being a Team Leader in the Survey Corps is most certainly not an easy job, but it's one you take in your stride. You've been here for five years, had your own troop of soldiers to command for two of those, and seen your fair share of titans and death alike. In fact, it's a surprise to you that you're still alive. When you first joined, as a fifteen year old recent recruit, you'd almost wet your pants on your first expedition (in your defense, you had been grabbed off your horse by a twelve metre titan that you'd been ordered to follow at a distance), but you'd been saved by Captain Levi, and ever since then, you've been determined to never let anything like that happen again.

It hasn't, and you're quite proud of that fact. Your team has survived the last two years as a whole without any serious casualties, something not many other teams (not including Levi's squad) can boast, and as such, you're almost famous. People on the street remember your name; when you first started commanding your team, they used to be surprised that someone of your young age was trusted with an entire team to yourself, but now no one is surprised when you all return with barely a scratch on you.

But it's also exhausting. Although you and your team are very close, you're also close to almost every single comrade in your section, and they're not always as lucky as your team in the surviving department. Every day is filled with grieving and mourning, and if it's hard for you, you often wonder what it's like for the other veteran soldiers here, the ones that have been with the Corps for much longer than you have.

They don't talk about it though. You're quite close with Section Commander Hange, and also good friends with Captain Levi (though he'd dispute that fact), but neither of them talk about the people they've lost. You suppose that's one way to cope with it, to bottle it up or push it down and never think about it. 

Regardless, you still love your job. It gives you the freedom you've always craved ever since you were little, and allows you to feel like a part of something important.

Currently, you're practicing hand to hand combat with your team and Levi's, since you both had a free slot at the same time and decided to fill it with something productive. You watch the way Petra takes out your second in command, Alice, her wooden knife to her ribs, a satisfied look on the redhead's face as the other yields.

You feel a swift kick to your abdomen that sends you down to your knees, coughing a little as the pain fills your body, and you remember why you shouldn't get distracted.

"Seriously (Y/N)? I thought you were better than that," Levi chastises you, the point of his knife pressed against your throat before he holds a hand out to you and pulls you up when you take it. "Never take your eyes off the enemy, or you're as good as dead."

"I know that," you huff, taking the knife from him and judging its weight idly. "I was just looking out for my comrade."

"That'll also get you killed. You've gotta trust that they know what they're doing." He points out before you rush him, and he blocks your advance. Still, you push on, sending fists at him. You know you can't defeat him, no one is better at fighting than Levi, but he is shorter than you, so you can use that to your advantage.

You manage to grab his left arm, so you twist it before pushing into his chest hard and give his head a whack with your own, forcing him to the floor as you straddle his hips, triumphantly holding the knife to his throat before he yields. He let you win that one, but you take the victory anyway, grinning at him underneath you. "Ha! Take that, Captain!"

A pointed cough stirs you from your victory celebrations, your other closest friend watching from the sidelines (how long had they been standing there?), some strange look in their eyes that you'd miss if you didn't know them as well as you do. "Are you two done flirting yet?" Hange asks, voice much less teasing than their sentence would imply, arms crossed over their chest. If you didn't know better, you'd say they look pissed off. "Erwin needs Levi."

"(Y/N), get off me." Levi groans, and you stand before helping him up, reminding your teams to continue practicing their combat skills as you follow him over to Hange. They won't meet your eyes, explaining to Levi where the Commander is, sending him in the right direction.

You wave a hand at them, and it's only then that they acknowledge your existence. "Hey! I'm kinda busy now, but did you need help finishing the paperwork from the last expedition? Because I'm completely free tonight."

Hange sighs, some normalcy coming back to them from whatever that was just now. "You're a godsend, you know? If you're sure you don't mind then I have no choice but to accept. I'm swamped."

Absently fixing your (H/C) hair from the mess it was in post-fight, you nod sympathetically and pat their arm. "No worries, I'll just join you after dinner then. Anyway, gotta go back to fighting, wanna join if you're free?"

"Can't, I've gotta go back to Erwin's office, I was supposed to get Levi and go back with him." Hange remembers out loud, waving a quick goodbye before rushing after the Captain. You laugh softly, endeared by their behaviour, waving back as you watch the way their messy burgundy hair bounces behind them.

"(Y/N)! Oluo needs to be taken to the medic!" Emmeline, another of your soldiers, calls out, and when you turn around, you see him almost passed out in pain, blood dripping from his mouth, Petra calling him an idiot from her position knelt next to him.

"Oluo, again? Seriously?" You exclaim, running over to the boy with his tongue between his teeth, helping him up to his feet. "The rest of you swap partners and continue, I'll be back in a moment."

* * *

"That's like, the third time this week!" Hange laughs between mouthfuls of bean stew, and you nod slowly, counting on your fingers.

"It's four actually," you correct them, feeling a little bad for finding the whole scenario funny. "It's like his tongue is too big for his mouth, maybe that's why he bites it so often."

Levi sighs, giving you a slight glare that you know has no real heat to it. "Stop making fun of my soldier, he's a good fighter."

"Oh I know, he has more kills than I do," you acquiesce, turning your full attention to the black-haired man on your left. "But it's getting a little ridiculous now. He almost bit it fully off!"

Alice, overhearing your conversation from the next table over, turns around to join in. "It's cause I gave him an uppercut to the jaw when he was blabbing about being better than everyone else. His own fault, since he was distracted and all."

Pyotr, Alice's best friend and another of your team, points out that she was probably too harsh on him, since she injured him badly enough to send him to the infirmary.

You stifle a laugh, but Levi just rolls his eyes, telling her to turn back to her own food. "Guess he deserved it then," he shrugs, taking a bite of his food as you act scandalised on Oluo's behalf, starting to defend him. "Shut it, (Y/N), I know you find it just as funny as that titan freak does."

"Pfft, I know, it just feels unfair to tease him like this when he isn't here to defend himself," your eyes flit to Hange, expecting to see them still finding the whole conversation amusing, but instead they're staring at you and Levi the same way they had during training earlier. "Hange?"

Without responding, they just continue eating whilst watching you, and you frown. Maybe they're feeling ill? But they seemed fine just now...

"Besides, I'm sure he's fine. Petra's keeping him company," Levi continues, unaware of the strange focused gaze of your other friend. You shrug off the weird feeling and turn to him again as you both continue your conversation. "The two of them act like an old married couple. I think he likes the banter."

Raising an eyebrow, you nudge Levi's arm (he glares at you but you ignore it) and take on a conspiratorial tone. "You don't think… There's some kind of  _ tension _ there?"

He rolls his silver eyes at your antics, not one to gossip with you about such menial things, but he responds anyway with a shrug and a sigh. "I don't know, but it doesn't distract them on the battlefield, so I couldn't care less."

"Ugh you're so boring, Levi," you moan, stretching your arms above your head and leaning back on the bench. "That's how I managed to overpower you earlier. I'm just more interesting and the world likes interesting people."

"That makes completely no sense, (L/N)," Levi argues, his voice sounding bored. "Besides, I let you win that round so you didn't lose the respect of your team."

"Huh?" You ask eloquently, pretending to be offended by such a statement. You would've been a few years ago, but you know Levi is just like that. A little dry, somewhat rude, but not spiteful if he likes you. "Bullshit, I won fair and square. Right Hange?"

You turn around to look at them, but they're not there. "Where are they?"

Levi frowns and then shrugs. "Don't know. Usually they're so loud I could tell you within a ten mile radius."

Crossing your arms onto the table and resting your head on them, you ponder over their behaviour. They've been acting kind of weird, like this, for a few days now, but you hadn't really noticed completely until today. You two were meant to be doing paperwork together, but if they've already left, maybe they forgot? Or maybe they don't want you to help anymore? But wouldn't they tell you? "Ugh… Levi, have you noticed them acting weird at all?"

"Only around you."

"Maybe they hate me."

Levi makes a 'tch' sound before leaving the table himself, making you the only one left, thinking to yourself about what to do.


	2. "oh, you're busy"

Knocking on Hange's door hasn't left you feeling anxious for about four years, their welcoming (if a little unnerving) personality easing you almost immediately after interacting with them for the first time. But tonight, you feel the same apprehension you had as a new recruit on delivery duty. In all the years you've known them, they've never acted differently around you before. Until now, you mentally correct yourself. 

When there's no answer, you knock again, this time a little harder, and with no response once again, you decide to bite the bullet and just enter. The door squeaks minutely as you pass the frame, but it shuts behind you without a sound.

Gentle candlelight lights up the room (much bigger than your own, you lament like you do every time you enter), piles and stacks of books and journals messily placed around the floor. An old bookcase to the side of the desk similarly full with books and files, all either dusty or yellowed with age (these are the ones they never use). You feel warm in here, welcome, like you always have, and it brings a melancholic smile to your face.

Moving closer to the desk at the sight of your friend, you sigh as you realise why they didn't answer. Their head rests on a closed notebook, sheets of paper around their head like a mockery of a halo, their messy ponytail flopped awkwardly to the front of their face, swishing with each exhale. You can't help but laugh quietly at the sight, before moving their hair back behind their head carefully so as to not wake them, taking their glasses off so they don't hurt their face as they sleep. Removing your jacket, you lay it over them like a makeshift blanket, before taking the notebook, paperwork and a pencil from their desk. You head to the battered sofa at the other end of the room to start working.

* * *

Finished and satisfied with the final write up of Hange's experience during the expedition, you stand and stretch, feeling your joints ache a little from working at an awkward angle. Oh well, worth it so Hange doesn't get scolded for not doing their work. They need their rest, and you feel somewhat guilty for whatever is going on with them right now; even if you don't actually know what it is, you still feel responsible.

You place the stack of paper on the desk next to their head, writing a short note on a scrap to explain that you've finished the work and they can just relax tonight, and then placing it on top of the pile. Replacing your jacket over Hange with their cape so you won't get cold on your way back to your own room, you give them one last look before turning to leave.

"Ah they're asleep so soundly, what harm will it do?" You whisper to yourself, (S/C) hand outstretched to the door handle as you argue with yourself. Finally coming to a decision, you turn and walk back over to the desk, before you press a small kiss to their cheek, wishing them a good night's sleep and finally walking out of the room. Maybe it was a little impulsive, but they looked so peaceful asleep at their desk, and friends totally kiss each other's cheeks, so it's not weird.

Not weird at all.

You walk back to your room with an energetic step, your jacket smelling faintly of Hange, and your lips tingling a little still from the contact. Who would blame you for having a bright smile on your face from something like that?

After getting ready for bed, careful not to wake Emmeline as she sleeps soundly in the bed opposite your own, you fall onto your mattress with a sigh, thankful that it's softer than the one you had as a cadet in the barracks, as you start to drift off.

* * *

You wake up after Emmeline, who's already left for breakfast (rude, usually she wakes you up too), sunlight already streaming in through the window to the left of your bed. You stretch, before heading into the bathroom to brush your teeth and (H/C) hair, staring deep into your tired looking (E/C) eyes. Finishing what was meant to be Hange's work on your own without their help had taken a lot longer than you'd hoped it would, so the dark circles under your eyes make sense. Maybe that's why Emmeline didn't wake you today.

"At least they're not so bad they look like bruises," you hum to yourself, making sure you look otherwise presentable as you get dressed. "I hope Hange woke up and went to bed instead of sleeping at their desk all night."

You had wondered if you should've moved them to their bed, but a sleeping person weighs a whole lot more than an awake person, and your joints were already achy from fighting and sitting awkwardly on the sofa, so you might've injured yourself if you tried to move them without waking them.

Worrying too much about it won't solve any problems caused by it anyway, so you stop thinking about Hange for a while as you attach your harness, throwing your jacket on and heading to breakfast.

* * *

Most of the day passes smoothly, but there's no sign of Hange at all throughout, which you find strange. They hadn't mentioned needing to go anywhere the next day, or having anything important on, usually they'd at least join you for lunch or spare time, but by the time evening rolls around and you still haven't seen them, you decide to ask around.

First, you ask Erwin, since you had to deliver your own expedition notes to him, but he had no idea either, only that they'd left their write up on his desk before he'd even woken, with a short note explaining the hand-writing being different about halfway through. You laugh sheepishly when he mentions that, apologising for taking over instead of waking Hange to write it themself, but he waves your apology off. "They obviously needed the rest, thank you for doing that."

"No problem, sir." You salute him, leaving after to find someone else to ask.

Next, you stumble across Nifa, who politely salutes you (even though really, you're both about the same rank) before shrugging. "I haven't seen Hange at all today, they didn't show up for practice today, and Moblit said they didn't turn up to a meeting they were supposed to have to discuss research budgeting."

Frowning, you thank her for answering your question before saluting her in return and heading off in the opposite direction. Maybe Levi has seen them.

Finding Levi was hard enough in itself, but eventually you find him in one of the meeting rooms, discussing the next expedition plans with his team. You enter, apologising for the intrusion, and sit next to Eld to listen in on their plan. None of them really pay much attention to you, sometimes you just join them for no reason, so to them, this isn't any weirder than usual.

After dismissing his soldiers, who all salute him and wave goodbye to you, he crosses his arms and turns all his attention to you. "Let me guess, you haven't seen Hange today, and you're worried for no reason."

"Oi, don't be presumptuous," you scold him quickly before sighing and dropping your head to the table you're sat at. "Also yes."

Levi sits on the edge of the table next to your head and ruffles your (H/C) hair firmly, making you look up at him underneath your lashes. "Don't look so depressed, they're probably just busy doing weird titan things."

"What if they're avoiding me? No one's seen them today, it's like they went missing." You pout, knowing you're being childish but unable to stop yourself from worrying out loud.

"If they are then that's on them," Levi shrugs nonchalantly, his hand still on your head. "But you don't need to-"

"Levi I need to talk to you about-" a voice starts at the door, loud and strong willed but not nearly as positively energetic as you usually hear it. "Oh, you're  _ busy _ ." Hange's voice turns to a snarl as they stare at the two of you, eyes dark, flitting between your face and then Levi's hand in your hair.

You shoot out of your seat almost immediately upon realising who it is, about to make your way over to Hange before they turn suddenly, slamming the door behind them. Relieved, sad and very confused all at the same time, you watch them disappear down the corridor before turning to Levi with a desperate look on your face. "See what I mean? Of course I'm worried! What the hell was that?"

The Captain looks mostly a mix of tired and exhausted, and you frown, asking him if he's okay. "Yeah, fine. I just hate petty nonsense."

"What are you talking about?" Anger blooms in your stomach. Your worries are not petty! "What do you mean, 'petty nonsense'?"

"Not you, (Y/N)," he explains, running a hand down his face as if to wipe away the annoyance. "Hange's jealous."

"Jealous?"

"Yup."

"Of what?"

"Me, probably," he slides off the table, dusting off his trousers subconsciously. "Have you noticed how they only get like that, simultaneously angry and sad, when you talk to just me in front of them? Or don't pay attention to them? Or when we're touching somehow?"

You think about it for a while, but shake your head. "No way, there's not enough proof that that's the case. Maybe they're jealous of me, not you."

Though you really wish Levi is right, not you. You can't really tell why, but… Well it's probably just because it'll be easier to rectify this if that was the case. That's all there is to it.

"Ugh whatever. I'm not getting involved." Levi tells you as he pushes you out of the door, following behind you. The two of you walk to the mess hall together, but your mind isn't really in the conversation that you start up, so it just trails off.

If Hange really is jealous of Levi then… Is it because they feel like you like Levi more than you like them? Because you don't, they're both your closest friends in the Corps, though if you were forced to choose, you'd say Hange is your closer friend since they're a lot more likely to agree to hang out. Well. They were before all this. Maybe it's changed now.

Or maybe it's because they like you more than just a-

Nope. Not entertaining that thought. You feel embarrassment heat up your face as your mind wanders down that path, though it's not totally a horrible feeling.  _ 'Shut up, brain!' _ You mentally scold yourself, pushing those thoughts away. 

Hange isn't even sitting at the table you three almost always sit at, and it makes your heart sink a little. Levi and your traitorous brain have got to be wrong; they definitely hate you. "I'm gonna sit with my team, Levi." You mention to him, voice subdued despite your attempt to sound upbeat. Sitting with your team is something you should probably do more often anyway, and it'll give you a chance to take your mind off of the thoughts currently flitting around inside it.

"Sure, have fun." He grumbles, keeping close to you until you separate to sit at different tables with your food, him joining his own squad. You try to catch Hange's eyes as you sit, but they look away as you look over, and you frown before sitting down.

"(Y/N), tell the others how I'm your favourite," Alice begs not a minute after you start eating, pointing an accusatory finger at Finnegan opposite her. "It's cause I have the most kills of everyone here." Hilarious really, that she’d punched Oluo for bragging yesterday, but is now doing the exact same herself.

"Alice I don't play favourites," you scold her, but she shrugs it off. Although she's very strong, and amazing out in the field, she's not very good at following orders or respecting authority. Not to say she doesn't respect you, but you're younger than her (actually, you're younger than your entire team besides Emmeline), so she finds it difficult to do so. You don't mind too much, it not being a problem usually. Most of the time, her input is helpful to you despite that. "Why are you fighting about that anyway?"

Finnegan sighs, explaining to you that no one was challenging her about it, she's just bored and wanted to start something. He's a good lad, but a little straight-laced. Very good at taking orders, but struggles with thinking for himself. They're like polar opposites.

"Okay, well I'm not really in the mood to be the referee for a team argument right now, change the subject." You don't mean to sound snappy, but your team takes your order and changes the subject promptly to the plan for tomorrow, including you in the discussion until it's clear your heart isn't in it. Thankfully, they don't tend to pry into your personal issues much (mainly because you're usually free with the information), so they take your current disassociated presence in their stride and continue as if it were all normal.

You'd feel bad, but you can feel Hange's eyes burning a hole in the back of your head, and it's distracting you. If they suddenly hate you so much, what started it? Do they have a crush on Levi? Just the thought makes you want to laugh, but the more you think about it, the more it hurts you to imagine it.

_ ‘I’m not unpacking that thought process today,’ _ you think to yourself, eyes landing on Levi’s back. Eld and Gunther seem to be telling the others a tale of past expeditions, and Levi seems just as distracted as you are. For him to be distracted as well… Hange has really got into his head too.  _ ‘Maybe the feelings are mutual then? But something doesn’t feel right about the two of them like that.’ _

By the time you’ve finished your food, you’ve managed to convince yourself of Levi and Hange being in a secret relationship, and it makes you feel like shit. Logically, you know it’s unlikely, but what else could this whole thing possibly be? Hange liking  _ you _ ? Maybe even  _ crushing _ on you? The idea is so laughable that a dry chuckle escapes your lips without you noticing, the sound pathetic and kind of like you might cry. Theo, the guy closest to you, asks if you’re okay quietly, ever the observant one, but you nod and explain that you were just lost in thought. He buys it, and goes back to teasing Pyotr about something you can’t be bothered to listen to, Emmeline trying to stop him.

It shouldn’t even make you feel anything bad, if Levi and Hange are together, they’re both your friends, you should be happy for them. You can't help but want it to just be a misunderstanding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if this feels a little rushed (up until I was writing chapter 5 I thought this was gonna be a oneshot lol) but hopefully it still flows okay. Have a great week! (✿^‿^)

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Have a lovely day!
> 
> (I'll be posting chapters sporadically (when I feel like it lol) until this syncs up with the wattpad version, then the schedule will be every Wednesday and Saturday!)


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